The Myth of Being Taken

Cool breeze blowing during a Fall evening in Amsterdam. Exploring its sights and sounds unlike anything I have experienced anywhere else. Its vibe is alluring, an eclectic enigmatic town with the charm of an old, small town by day and haunting, full of temptation by night. Just like in most towns I’ve visited before, it is a matter of getting out there and explore, get into the activities that locals enjoy doing, sit down and soak it all in, talk to people and engage in conversations that will only expand your knowledge and give you a better perspective.

I found myself in one of their infamous coffee shops, a phenomenal experience from the point of view that everyone there has a wacky, and probably fucked up story to tell. The best part is how open they are to everything, no judging, no eye rolls, just having a good time. Enter Camille & Alana. These two were all shits and giggles on a broken bench on the back end of the coffee shop. There was no other spot to sit in, I approached and said “Hola!” they stare and give me the ‘deer in headlights’ look, I hold it and finally one cracks up and says “Spain?”  “No, where I come from doesn’t matter, what matters is what happens here and now.” I replied.

After chit-chatting for sometime I found out one was Swedish (Camille) and the other was Dutch (Alana). Oddly enough, one was in a complicated relationship but said “I’m out, I have fun and I do whatever”, the other was in a relationship but said flat-out with no hesitation “my boyfriend is a complete bore, good guy but have to pay him in order to get him out of the house. That’s why we are out just the two of us”. With that being said, we kept hanging around the river banks, Alana took us to the Anne Frank House and then to Winkel 43 -which had a phenomenal Apple Pie & Coffee- during our sit down we made plans for later that night, we split to go back & get ready, and we rejoined at this club bar called Bitterzoet.

As yet another typical night out would have it. Lots of banter, drinks, dancing through the night, it was a helluva time. And then I realized something right then and there, a moment of clarity -which was only reassured by actions that took place later that night- a realization that many would think it’s crazy and far-fetched but based on my experiences, I know it is true.

“All background differences and language barriers dissipate and a spark that ignites attraction would occur regardless of their marital status… At our core we tend to react and respond to certain things the same way regardless of everything else.”

There is no such thing as “being taken”. Yes, you read that correctly, no such thing as “being taken”. Whether this was experienced in Amsterdam, Munich, Madrid, Chicago, Austin or Los Angeles, all background differences and language barriers dissipate and a spark that ignites attraction would occur regardless of their marital status. At the end of the day, we are all humans and at our core we tend to react and respond to certain things the same way regardless of everything else. It applies in social dynamics, interactions, building rapport, emotional responses between two or more individuals.

The reason why I say “being taken” is nothing but a myth, it is quite easy to grasp but hard to explain. Let me ask you “Have you ever seen monkeys swinging from tree to tree?” If not, please YouTube it or tune in to National Geographic. When they are swinging from vine to vine, they make sure to secure the next vine before letting go of the previous one. Keep in mind, as intelligent as these primates are, they do not receive training, education or go through 101 courses to learn about survival, it is pure instinct. Well, that right there is what most women are in a nutshell when it comes to relationships.

There is this concept about women that are available and unavailable/taken. That available ones can be approached, can be taken for a fun ride, can be flirted and have sex with, etc; while the opposite applies to the taken one, let the relationship grow, she’s no longer in the market, blah blah blah. This is not reality, it is simply not true.

“If you’re in a relationship, you must cultivate it, and do whatever it takes for it to flourish, over and over again… you have to work on being a better lover, a better supporter, a better person, a better partner”

Every time you feel attracted to someone or others feel attracted to you in a sexual way -even if either is in a relationship- it is all fair game and automatically that puts you as available, even though society, close peers, and logic would say otherwise, at a very primal level you are. If you’re in a relationship, you must cultivate it, and do whatever it takes for it to flourish, over and over again. If you let up and think that by having that girl as your girlfriend is good enough, trust me, it is a matter of time before someone comes along, sweeps her off her feet and gets taken away from you because you took her for granted. That is why you have to work on being a better lover, a better supporter, a better person, a better partner.

Sure there are exceptions to the rule, the ones that believe in “the one”, “finding the better half for all eternity” do exist but that is not the norm. Why do you think there are so many break-ups, failed marriages, divorces, cheating, social platforms like Ashley Madison, and hook-up sites. Once again, these exist because there is no such thing as being taken. For men, this doesn’t have as much repercussion as it does for a woman, for her this entails social pressure and biological complications.

Leaving a relationship tends to result in a major failure for a woman and many of them are left with the feeling that they are not as valuable as a person as they once were when in a relationship. What tends to happen is that this creates an illusion, a need to save a relationship that is completely lost and beyond repair, which leads many -not all- but many women to lean on choosing to stay in a toxic relationship rather than cutting ties and be alone.

By staying, she has decided that she will do anything to make it right, even with a guy who has no life nor anything going for him, her maternal instinct kicks in on trying to fix the guy, trying to fix the broken relationship. That is the case until she knows she has another relationship waiting in the wings that is a sure thing or one with a high probability of success. What women want is to be saved from toxic relationships. Women don’t want to leave a relationship and say “Hey guys, I’m free. Let it rip!” No, they want to be saved from bad, toxic, unfulfilling relationships.

Once again, not all women are like that, there are many strong, tough, independent, untamed women that are wired differently and I completely admire them but facts are facts, and I really do not care what a radical feminist or feminazi says about it. Women feel the social & peer pressure at a certain age when others ask “Oh, you don’t have a boyfriend?! How come!!” and that right there is tangible and real.

From a biological standpoint, this goes back to our origins and early years. Women that felt vulnerable and exposed to many of the dangers from the prehistoric / homo sapiens / hunter-gatherer era tended to seek the protection and companionship of a man, which of course elevated their chances of an extended life but also their chances of reproduction than those on their own. The modern woman descends from those, it is part of their wiring.

“If you do not keep the passion, the love, the fire inside her alive and burning bright, someone else will and that is why being taken is just a myth”

I love women, I think they are phenomenal beings, the greatest creation ever and whether they are single or taken, both can be just as happy and have a fulfilled life. However, one cannot ignore the fact that temptation is out there, tangible evidence and data indicates that being in a relationship or taken does not mean unavailable, even though I believe in loyalty and respect for one another, this does not mean the other person is obliged to have eyes only for you for eternity. This is the reason why Camille and Alana made themselves available -as many others- with no strings attached even if they were in a relationship. This is the reason why all those hook-up platforms exist, the reason why you see it so often depicted in TV shows & movies. Have you ever watched Lifetime or LMN?

What this means is that you have to be willing to work on your relationship with just as much effort and fervent desire as you put in once when you started dating. Make no mistake about it, if you do not keep the passion, the love, the fire inside her alive and burning bright, someone else will and that is why being taken is just a myth.

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